Down with Kanonji, Down with Hawkeye
by dfxcm
Summary: So... another hunt. It's Don Kanonji and someone from Fullmetal Alchemist. A tad more focused around the actual killing. Have fun reading.


**Disclaimer:**

No one belongs to me. All Fullmetal Alchemist characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa and all Bleach characters belong to Tite Kubo.

**Summary:** My friend and I again. I'm calling my friend Jeri now since she has asked for some privacy, but would at least like to have a name.

I came up with that everything to do with that zanpakuto… please don't steal it.

**Warning:**

I don't like Riza Hawkeye. So if you like her… I suggest you leave. I don't want flames.

And I actually like Roy so… any insults to him aren't really hateful.

* * *

"I ahte Don Kanonji," I stated as I watched him do his trademark laugh... thing. 

"Wow," she said.

"I mean 'hate' damn it," I said.

"You hate him so much you can't even say 'hate'," she said while laughing at me.I laughed along too and she asked, "Or is it just your bad English kicking in?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "Bad English."

I was watching for a little while more before accidentally saying, "Guh...I MEAN UGH!! UGH I'M GONNA KILL HIM!!"

Jeri just laughed uncontrollably as she held her sides and mocked me by saying, "GUH! HAHAHA!!"

"GET OUT OF THE WAY FUCK DAMN IT!!!" I said angrily. "HE PISSES ME OFF!!!"

She just laughed some more. "Then shoot him," she suggested, "hunt him down like afro man."

"MEN!" I called.

"HAI!"

"WE'RE ON A HUNT ONCE AGAIN" I said.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Here we go again," she said not at all enthusiastic.

I sent her a glare and asked, "Aren't you coming?"

Jeri just shrugged and asked, "You want me to come?"

"Well you are a citizen of Canadia."

"What does that have to do with hunting down an 'innocent' man?" she wondered.

"How is he innocent?" I scoffed.

"Did he commit a crime?" she asked.

"You're part of the military," I said, "and sure... he's committed a crime."

"And that crime is?" she asked using a lot of hand motion. "Please don't say that he annoyed you..."

"Being too stupid," I stated simply.

Jeri stared a moment before turning away. "I'm guilty..."

I grabbed hold of her collar before she got away and said, "Shut the hell up. We're going."

She sighed and said, "Alright, alright."

She grabbed a missile launcher and almost taking someones head off in the process. "OH! Sorry!"

"Save that for the future war damn it," I scolded. "Now where oh where could that Don Kanonji be?"

Her eyes widened with fear. "Future war?" and pointed to a possibly haunted hospital. "There?"

We hear "BOHHAHAHAHAHA" from hospital. "E-YUP... MEN LETS GO!!!" I commanded and stormed the hospital.

"ARE YOU COMING OR NOT?!" I yelled at Jeri.

She looked around aimlessly. "Don't I need a weapon?"

"GET SOMETHING!"

Jeri sighed and said, "FINE!" and grabbed a random lead pole from the ground.

"Is this good?"

"IT'S FINE! NOW LET'S GO!"

"Yay!" she said as she skipped into the hospital.

Once inside, I yelled, "MEN SEARCH ALL FLOORS!!"

Jeri just laughed and said, "Reminds me of ghost stories for some reason."

I gave her a dry look when someone yelled, "FUHRER! THE LAUGHTER! ITS LEAVING THE HOSPITAL!"

"AFTER HIM MEN!!!" I ordered.

Jeri stared at me. "Fuhrer?"

"HE'S HEADING TO KUROSAKI'S HOUSE!!" the follower man said.

"Yeah... I'm Fuhrer of Canadia," I said completely oblivious to the sense of urgency around.

She just nodded as if she knew that already and said, "Oh, I knew that already."

"TO ICHIGO'S HOUSE MEN!!!"

Jeri held up her pole, nearly taking out another person again and said, "TO THE STRAWBERRY!"

"SURROUND THE ENTIRE HOUSE MEN!!! MAKE SURE THAT THERE IS NO EXIT FOR HIM TO ESCAPE FROM!!!"

Jeri stood by a storm drain, holding pole high in the air as if to strike at any poor should that came out.

"SURROUND THE HOUSE!!! NOT THE STORM DRAIN!!!" I yelled at her. "BACK UP MEN!!! STORM THE HOUSE!!!"

She just looked innocent, "What? Why not the storm drain? He could come out of here too!"

"IS IT CONNECTED DIRECTLY TO THE HOUSE?! TO THE INSIDE?!"

She followed the hollow tube with her eyes, then shrugged. "Maybe."

"JUST STORM THE HOUSE!!!" and stormed into Ichigo's house with bared fangs. "DON KANONJI!!! LOOK OUT LOOK OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE!!!"

Following in suit with pole high in the air, Jeri opened her mouth to scream a battle cry... but ended up choking on some dust from the house. She coughed and said, "I'm... okay... I'm okay."

Ichigo looked from person to person that entered his house. "What're... what're you doing here?! Get the hell outta my house!"

Politely, Jeri bowed at Ichigo. "Sorry, Ichi...we have reason to believe that a serial killer is hiding in your house, and out of the generousity of the Fuhrer's heart points to you we have gathered men to help wash this criminal out."

"NOW MEN!!! FIND THAT KONONJI!!!" I yelled as we searched the house.

She bowed again to Ichigo and continued to search, heading straight for the bathroom. While I find Kanonji about to sneak out of Ichigo's bedroom window.

Jeri placed the pole near the bathroom door. "Sorry, I really have to go..." and she ran into the bathroom.

Meanwhile, I threw someone's unsheathed zanpakuto to get Kanonji's cape stuck in the wall. "Nowhere to run now... Don Kanonji. PREPARE TO DIE!!!"

I took out my own zanpakuto and raised it above my head as comes out of the bathroom and grabbed her pole just to drop it again after seeing my zanpakutou. "OMG! NOT THE LIGHTNING! NOT INSIDE THE HOUSE!" and threw the pole as far as away as humanly possible, knowing that it'll act as a lightning rod.

"STRIKE FROM THE HEAVENS AND PASS JUDGEMENT... OCHI, AMATERASU!" and I struck down on don Kanonji with a lightning shock entering his body. "SOMEONE GET ME A SPEAR!!!"

Jeri took a look into Ichigo's closet and holds out a spear. "HERE!" she said and threw the spear, nearly taking me out in the process earning her a glare after I caught it.

"NOW ITS TIME TO STAB THE BODY!!!" I said and did as I said.

Jeri began to walk away. "I'll...be over here," she said and somehow found Uryuu and Orihime in the mess.

"WHO WILL BE MY NEXT VICTIM?!" I said in a blood lust state.

Jeri hid behind Orihime and Uryuu, just to push Uryuu forward and tried her best at imitating his voice, but failing horribly saying, "I WILL!!!"

I looked outside the window and yelled, "RIZA HAWKEYE!!"

Jeri rushed to the window and looked out. "HOW THE HELL DID SHE GET THERE?!?!"

I grabbed one of my willing followers to use as a sacrifice to go through the gate. Once it opened, I pulled Jeri through with me.

"ITS TIME TO GET THAT BITCH BACK!!" I said as we went through.

Jeri clawed against the outside of the gate. "NOOO! NOT IN THERE!!!!"

"WE'RE NOT GOING TO HEAVEN RETARD!!" I yelled at her.

Jeri stopped stops clawing. "OH...wait...WHO CARES? I'M NOT GOING THERE ANYWAYS!"

"YOURE COMING!!!" I say pulling her through by the collar. "I'M FUHRER AND WHAT I SAY GOES!!!"

"WHY DO I HAVE TO WITNESS SUCH UNHUMAN ACTS?!!?" she cries while resuming clawing at things.

"IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE HUMAN ANYWAY!!!" I tell her.

I saw her eyes widen. "WE'RE NOT!?!?" she asked bewildered as I dragger her to Central headquarters.

"Shinigami's aren't human," I tell her.

"I'M A SHINIGAMI!??" she exclaims.

"Are you?" I asked eyeing her suspiciously.

She began to look around frantically. "Where my zanpakutou?!!?"

"I'm everything," I say.

"EVEN BOLOGNA?!?!"

"Everything meaning demon, vizard, shinigami, hollow, arrancar, bount, alchemist..." my voice trailed off.

"OHOHHHH," she said. "...cheater"

"Shut up," I said hitting her over the head. "NOW LETS GO!!! MEN!!!"

Silence... and then a cough from Jeri. I realized that none of my men were there and used some random person that seems like a total ass to open the gate and let my men through.

"Roy?" she questioned and I just laughed.

"Yes, he is an ass, but no it's not him this time," I said. "MEN!!! STORM CENTRAL HEADQUARTERS!!! HUNT DOWN THAT BITCH!!!"

Jeri sighed and said, "I just have to find her right? I don't really want to kill her or anybody..."

"You dont have to kill her," I said tired of her whining. "I am."

Sighing still not satisfied, she said, "Alright then."

She held her pole up high charging this 'Central' of which I spoke.

"Let's go..." I said as we stormed into Central HQ. "I WILL FIND YOU RIZA HAWKEYE!!! NO MATTER WHERE YOU RUN AND HIDE I'LL FIND YOU!!! AND WHEN I DO YOU KNOW WHAT IM GONNA DO? IM GONNA KILL YA!!!"

Then a low but loud maniacal laugh emerged from me and Jeri backed away as my men joined in on the laughter and checks all the doors.

"FUHRER SHES IN HERE!!!" one of them said and I quickly walked into the room.

I saw the blond obviously confused as she said, "Fuhrer?"

"GOT THAT RIGHT BITCH!!! NOW PREPARE TO DIE!!!" I said, pulling out my zanpakuto as she cocked her gun.

Meanwhile, Jeri was watching from across the street and I made one of my men drag her over while I ran at Hawkeye and stabbed her in the gut, pulled out sword, and then stabbed her in the neck. Pulling my zanpakuto out of her neck, I shook the blood off and with my hand, I chocked her and broke her neck.

Jeri cringed at the sight. "NOW WHY THE HELL DID I HAVE TO SEE ALL OF THAT?!?!"

I smile similar to Ichimaru. "Get me my spear."

Jeri somehow found it back at the gate and ran back, throwing it when I came into in sight, almost taking me out again in the process.

"SORRY! again..."

I gave her a momentary glare. "Tch," and I took the spear and stabbed off all the limbs off at the joints. Then I cut off her feet at the ankles, legs at the knees and hip, hands at the wrists, arms at the elbows and shoulders, and lower half from the upper half... and the neck from the upper torso, low enough that you can see the cracked part of the neck and the stab.

Jeri, uncomfortable and slightly queezy, ran back to the gate to wait for us, but I just made someone drag her back. Returning my attention to Hawkeye, I even cut off her fingers and finger tips... toes too... and removed her jaw as well.

Jeri clawed at anything nearby. "NO DON'T TAKE ME BACK!"

I just looked at the body... nearly satisfied. "Make sure... Roy Mustang comes and sees this now. NOW DAMN IT!!!" I ordered.

Jeri snapped out of her traumatic trance and slowly stumbled out of the bloody room, desperate to find Roy before she puked.

I looked at the body again... not fully satisfied. Then I reached in her chest and ripped out her heart, took a letter opener and jammed it into the heart and into the wall.

Jeri managed to find Roy and brought him in just in time to see the devilish act and caused Jeri to run back out and kill some innocent flowers nearby.

And again, I made one of my men drag her back as she left a good trail of last night's dinner along the way.

"You like what you see roy?" I asked with muderous and cold look in my eyes.

As I was having a momentary staring contest, Jeri tried to run while she had the chance, but even without being ordered, my men chased after her and dragged her back.

"NOOO NOT AGAIN!" she cried.

I grabbed a random asshole, not Roy, and opened the gate back to the nonalchemic world. "See you next time, lover boy Mustang," I said walking through gate.

Jeri puked for the last time at one side of the gate before running in after me. After wiping of some the puke from her mouth, "You need a better line than that..."

At the last second, I pushed Jeri back through the gate before it closed.

She walked around aimlessly, possibly starting a 'new life'.

I reopened gate for barely a second to push one of my men to push her.

She sighed as she was pushed to the ground and said, "And I wanted to start out fresh..."

Then, I reopened gate to make one of my men drag her back, making her sigh again. "Oh whatever, wherever I end up, I'm going to give myself a new identity," she said.

"Ready to hear who the next victim is?" I asked her as we resumed what we were doing before I killed anyone this time. "Aya Hoshino, but she can wait... until later... or would you like to read her death now?"

"That's enough death and destruction from you for one night," Jeri said without hesitating.

"Aww," I said, "and I had come up with some really good ideas too."

* * *

Is this one any better? I think they become more focused around the killing as I keep writing more and more death scenes. Until next time... 


End file.
